The Truth About Lies
This month, we’ve spent a lot of time discussing emotional regulation, but today, I want to shift our focus to impulse control—specifically, response inhibition.
I once worked with a student whose mother reached out to me in frustration. She called one day and said, “Crista, I can’t handle it. I just can’t do this anymore.” When I asked what was happening, she explained that her son was lying to her every single day—about feeding the dog.
“I come home from work and ask, ‘Did you feed the dog?’ He always says yes. And then I quickly find out the dog never ate.”
Instead of jumping to conclusions, I asked her to let me explore the situation with her son and return with some insights. When I spoke with him, I approached the conversation with curiosity rather than judgment.
I said, “I spoke with your mom about the dog. What do you think is happening in that moment when she asks if you’ve fed him?”
Without hesitation, he responded, “Crista, half the time I’m not even listening to her. I just say ‘yes’ automatically. I don’t even think about the question I’m being asked.”
His response highlighted a critical aspect of impulse control—many students don’t consciously choose to be dishonest; their responses are automatic. Their brains are wired to give the quickest answer, often without processing the question at all.
Here are some of the key reasons why students may lie impulsively:
Avoiding Consequences – They instinctively say what they think the adult wants to hear, hoping to avoid disappointment, criticism, or potential punishment (even if none is likely).
Lack of Processing Time – Some students don’t fully register the question before responding, leading them to default to an automatic, easy answer like “yes” or “I did it.”
Memory Gaps – If they genuinely don’t remember whether they completed a task, they might guess or provide the most convenient answer.
Emotional Regulation Challenges – Anxiety or stress can cause students to respond automatically as a way to quickly move past a conversation that feels uncomfortable.
Impulse Control Issues – Some students respond reflexively without thinking, blurting out an answer simply because it’s the fastest way to move on.
Strategies to Support Honest Responses
So, how can we help students develop better impulse control, response inhibition, and truthful communication? Here are a few strategies:
Introduce the Pause Button – Teach students to take a breath before answering. A simple pause creates space for reflection. In my practice, I have students create their own physical “pause button” using Model Magic. They choose two or three colors and design it however they like while we discuss its significance. Having a tangible reminder reinforces the habit of pausing before responding.
Use Visual or Verbal Cues – Encourage students to repeat the question in their heads before responding.
Reframe the Question – Instead of asking, “Did you feed the dog?” try, “Tell me what time you fed the dog today.” This forces retrieval of specific information rather than a reflexive yes/no answer.
Build Awareness – Discuss common automatic responses and help students recognize when they’re happening.
Practice Active Listening – Engage in exercises where students practice truly hearing a question before formulating a response.
For students struggling with impulse control, these small shifts can make a huge difference. Instead of reacting instinctively, they can learn to pause, process, and respond intentionally. And in this case? The student’s mom started changing how she asked the question—sometimes waiting for a beat or rewording it—and the student began pausing before answering. Over time, he became more aware and honest in his responses.
Building impulse control takes practice, but with the right tools, students can learn to respond with thoughtfulness rather than reflex. And that’s a skill that will serve them far beyond just feeding the family dog.
